tom weller presents featuring five sure-fire zucchini recipes!
Welcome to my website, a _______* on the information superhighway. Here you will find remnants of my former life in the world of books — you, know, those old ink-and-paper things? — as well as samples of my current incarnation as Web Wizard, and sundry other electronic ephemera.
* Choose your metaphor:
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Read the book

That thing on the left is my book Minims. Although it's been out of print for some years, you can read it right here on the web by clicking on the cover. And, it's absolutely free, since I can't figure out any way to charge for it. (Although if you'd like to try stuffing a dollar bill into your drive slot, I'll let you know what happens.)

On the right is my book Science Made Stupid, which is, alas, also out of print after all these years. Check those second-hand bookstores, folks. A guy named Chris has put it on the web in its entirety, so you can click the cover to see that. (Oh, and I keep forgetting Cvltvre Made Stvpid, the sleazy ripoff of companion volume to Science. It's also out of print but available on Chris's site.)

Five Sure-fire Zucchini Recipes!

Zucchini Soup

3 cups chicken stock
1 lb. boiling potatoes, peeled
4 carrots, sliced
4 turnips
2 medium onions, sliced
1 large zucchini, unpeeled
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 tsp. parsley
1/2 tsp. olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Heat the olive oil in a heavy saucepan with a lid. Saute the carrots and onions until slightly softened. Add the chicken stock, potatoes, turnips, and garlic, and bring to a boil. Cover the saucepan with the inverted lid, and place the zucchini on the lid. Reduce heat and simmer for 45 minutes. Add the parsley and salt and pepper. Simmer five minutes more. Remove lid, discard the zucchini, and serve.
(Adapted from the Larousse Gastronomíque's recipe for crow soup.)

Zucchini Wine Cooler

4 medium zucchinis
a good dry white wine, such as sauvignon blanc
ice (optional)

With a sharp paring knife, slice the zucchinis crosswise into 1/8" rounds. Fill a wine glass or tumbler with the wine and ice (if desired). Using a flipping motion of the wrist, attempt to toss the zucchini rounds onto a wastebasket or other appropriate target. Drink the wine.

Brandied Zucchini

Follow above recipe, but substitute brandy for the white wine.

Zucchini Mold

5 or 6 very ripe zucchini
a large bowl

Roughly chop the zucchini. Put in bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Place in refrigerator for 6-8 weeks or until covered with fine gray hair. Throw away.

Zucchini Surprise

5 or 6 very ripe zucchini
a paper bag
kitchen matches

Prepare the zucchini according to the recipe for Zucchini Mold, but instead of discarding, put in paper bag and roll the top tightly. Place bag on neighbors' doorstep, ignite with match, ring doorbell and run away.

Perhaps you'd like to look at some of the sites I've done for other folks:

And what would a web page be without a list of links? So here they are: Send me some e-mail and tell me what you think. Ciao.

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